Top of the World, Ma

 We fancied a look at Doi Suthep today.

Perched on Mount Doi (1676m) yet only a paltry 1076m up, we thought it was easily within our grasp.

The trouble began when we tried to acquire the services of a songthaew driver to take us there.

No dice was the answer, what with it being New  Year's Eve Eve and likely to be exceptionally busy.

Now, as regular readers will know, I've never knowingly adhered to advice, particularly when it's given by someone with local knowhow

And so we pressed on until we found someone willing to take us the 15k or so up to the fabled Mount.

Initially it was going well. We left the city behind us and began the steady climb up the winding road to the mountain.

As we got higher however, the air became heady with the rich scent of burned out clutch and we found ourselves in the middle of a monstrous traffic jam (albeit a holy pilgrimage jam)

Eventually and perhaps inevitably, our driver pulled off the road, and  channelling his inner Star Trek Scotty,  announced  what sounded like: "Enough. She cannae take it" (in a heavily Thai accented voice).

We left the stricken vehicle and continued on foot.

At last the Temple came into view. 

A mere 306 steps to climb and we'd be in.

Punishing doesn't quite cover the climb my friends....

I'll just say that the first 3 things you see on arrival at the top are a ticket office (standard) and these two items:

Even He needed a lie down at the top......

As for the temple itself, it's very impressive, but given that I've imposed rather a surfeit of temples on you recently (and one temple IS very much like another generally), I've decided to focus on the temple bells.

And they were many. And mighty was the clanging.

The view from the top,  if a little hazy, was impressive.

You can see our house from here....

Doi Suthep is, undeniably, a holy place for many many Thai people. There are many statues of the Buddha and a huge golden stupa.

But I'm afraid my attention was caught by  some of the less lofty items on show:

A plastic statue of an infant monk collecting alms.

The days takings so far.. 

And if all else fails, there's Mastercard.....

We left the temple (via those 306 steps) and saw to our surprise that the traffic had eased.

What's more, the Songthaew waiting for us , and better still, it was working!

Here's looking at zoo

 It being Boxing Day, what better place to while away a few hours than Chiang Mai zoo?

Ordinarily, I avoid zoos, considering them to be nothing more than maximum security prisons for unfortunate, (occasionally endangered) creatures. 

However.... 

Chiang Mai zoo boasts a couple of giant pandas amongst its inmates. 

I'm afraid the opportunity to gaze upon the monochrome beasts quite overcame any reservations I had about the setting. 

Tossing aside any moral high ground, I handed over my entrance fee and set off in search of the lovable bamboo munchers.

Within minutes, my hopes were cruelly dashed. 

Inexplicably, it seemed that the panda exhibit was "closed for renovation ".

I'd been duped.

I suspect that the whole panda thing is no more than a ruse to lure you in to the zoo. 

The only sighting of a panda was this:

Not quite what I was hoping for. 

Nevertheless, I'd paid my entrance fee and was determined to make the best of things.

It's actually quite a good zoo, with lots of interesting birds and animals to view, including, thrillingly,  a Shetland pony and some sheep.

There's an aquarium too (entrance fee extra) boasting among other things, a giant mekong catfish.

It goes without saying, I didn't go in. Fool me once etc...

Here's a few snapshots of the non-panda type creatures in the zoo...

I think I've found my spirit animal....

A capybara. Think giant guinea pig, but much much lazier....

Clearly, there's been a "domestic disagreement" .

The BIG (really big) Buddha

 Our final day out in Chiang Rai was a visit to the snappily titled Wat Huay Pla Klang,  or as it's also known, the Big Buddha of Chiang Rai.

First up, it's not actually the Buddha. It's a giant statue of Guanyin the Chinese goddess of mercy. 

And I do mean giant.

Standing 90m high, she's a big lass and no mistake.

We took the lift up to the 25th floor, where, surrounded by lots of white stucco trees and things we were able to gaze out through her eyes.......

She's not the only attraction at the site however.

There's a 9 story pagoda too. 

Impressive eh? Until you see it  through Guanyin's eyes......

Pah! Puny...

There are stairs up to the top of the pagoda, each floor progressively smaller than the last until by the time you reach the top, oxygen starved and cramped, you are seriously regretting that extra helping of pad thai at lunchtime

No matter. I squeezed my way to the top and, thankfully squeezed back out again.

Each floor is home to a range of Chinese themed statues:

Apart from this floor, which seemed to be celebrating the work of  the Avon Lady.

Perfume anyone ?

How about a vanity mirror? Or a nice eyeshadow ?

Chapter 6: The Golden Triangle

 What could possibly top the 5 baht mechanical masterpiece?

I was doubtful that anything could, but then we rolled up in the now legendary Golden Triangle.

We arrived by way of a quick shufti at the Thai-Myanmar border crossing.  

A complete waste of time as it's been closed for a couple of years now.

We hung about on the off chance that a freedom hungry Myanmar person would try to get across the river, but we were to be disappointed. 

There weren't even any guards.....

Far more entertaining was The Golden Triangle. 

Home to the lucrative opium trade, it's an area where 3 countries meet: Myanmar, Laos and Thailand. All of them keen cultivators of the poppy.

As you can see, I've drawn a helpful triangle. In a golden colour.... 

From left to right, you can see Myanmar, Laos and Thailand. 

We'd heard much about the fabulous wealth generated by the opium business and so the official sign came as something of a disappointment:

Maybe they've had a few years of poor harvests.

We took the opportunity to visit the Opium Museum too. (It would have been rude not to really).

Inside, let me tell you, the poppy was king. A whole section was dedicated to the cultivation and harvesting of this infamous cash crop. (Although with scant information about processing - probably just as well)

There was a display of the various bits and pieces necessary to partake of the opium:

And it seems that you get a nice lie down while you're doing it:

It was all rather pleasant until, on turning a corner, I came upon this sobering sight:

It dampened what had been quite a festive mood I can tell you.

We came away (slightly) older and (barely)  wiser.

Remember kids: 

DONT TAKE DRUGS

This is Mae-Lin.  An 18 year old opium fiend.

Chapter 5: Monkey Cave

 Regular readers (and I know you are few) will be aware that we've had a fair bit of monkey shenanigans in the past.

So it was with some trepidation that I entered the grounds of the monkey cave. 

Our guide armed us all with a sturdy bamboo stick and warned us not to try to pet the beasts.

The first thing to note is that Monkey Cave is not in fact a cave.

There are monkeys and there is a cave, but, and this is crucial, the cave contains NO monkeys.

The cave itself is reached by climbing a long (very long), steep (extremely steep) staircase. 

Inside there's a shrine but as I've already said, no evidence of monkeys. Not even a discarded banana skin.

Back at ground level, it was a different story. Monkeys aplenty.

This monkey's going places. He's got his own tyre.

We were fortunate (?) enough to witness an x-rated floor show from a couple of them too.

Obscene publication laws forbid me from publishing any photos of the show, but this is one of the "stars":

Towards the back of the site we discovered some fairly odd (even by Thai standards) sculptures. No explanation was given for them and I wouldn't like to try to offer one myself.

 The best exhibit I've saved until last. There were a series of mechanical monstrosities which, for a mere 5 baht (10p) could be brought to life.

Enter JB and his 5 baht coin....

Chapter 4: Tea Time

 Welcome back. I don't know about you, but I could do with a drink after the "interesting" exhibits at the Black House.

As luck would have it the, the next stop on the BDO was to the Choui Fong tea plantation.

High up in the mountains it's a tea-lovers paradise.

(I thought it was nice and I don't even like tea).

Having made the effort to get there it seemed sensible to try a selection of their home-grown brews.

We tried 3 different blends.

 In all honesty, they tasted like tea.

Although one of them was a bit flowery.......

Shunning the gift shop (packs of flowery tea) we continued on our way.

Leaving the plantation, we spotted some people picking the tea leaves.

Our guide told us that they were migrant workers from Myanmar who now can't go home because the border has closed.

JB felt that the whole thing was staged given that there were no more than 20 pickers and  over 30 acres of tea plants.

I tend to agree with him but for a different reason: 

Tea is produced by this person and no one will convince me otherwise.

Chapter 3: The Black House

 The next stop on our BDO was The Black House.

Unique on this tour in being neither blue or white, it's the brainchild of a Thai artist called Thawan Duchanee, who died in 2014.

(Despite evidence to the contrary, I actually do research these bits)

Anyway.   Thawan's big idea was to put together a collection of (black) houses and fill them with "interesting" objects. 

There are about 40 (black) buildings around the site. They're in what's known over here as Lanna style, and I must say they're rather splendid.

Certainly more photogenic than Accrington on a rainy Tuesday. 

And much blacker.....

Embracing our inner Goths, we entered the first building.

Readers of a nervous disposition may want to look away now. (Although what are you doing on here in the first place?)

Yes. That's a dead wolf masquerading as a tablecloth 

 

This my friends is a dining 

 chair.

 

Dead wolf not to your taste?  No problem.  We have a dead crocodile. 

Each building brought fresh horror:

 

A pole covered in shark jaws.
(Don't look at me, I only took the picture)

Culminating in this:

I don't honestly know what they are.

I mean, I know what they look like, but they were in an outside lav, so.....

Get yourself a nice cup of horlicks and try to forget what you've seen. 

Then join me tomorrow for Chapter 4....